Last Week from Harpers Weekly

Two burglars were arrested in
Iowa after police spotted their getaway car and found the
suspects inside with their face-masks scribbled on in
black permanent marker; a would-be thief was laughed away
by staff and patrons when he rushed into a Polish bank
shouting, "This is a stick up!" and brandishing a spoon;
and a burglar who during his trial rubbed his own
excrement on his attorney's hair and face, and flung his
feces at jurors was sentenced to 31 years in prison and
ordered to pay $129 to replace one juror's briefcase. Two
coyotes mauled to death a 19-year-old Canadian folk singer
while she was hiking, and a 112-year-old Somali man took a
17-year-old as his sixth bride. An 11-pound lobster named
Larry, born around 1939, was on sale for $275 at a New
York restaurant, and the annual New Zealand "rabbit throw"
contest, in which children compete to see how far they can
toss dead rabbits, was banned. Swedish scientists learned
that when male bedbugs, which are gender-blind, attempt
gay bedbug sex, the victims release a pheromone that tells
the aggressors to back off. Parents and teachers in the
Guangdong province of China were upset by a new sculpture
in a city park of an eight-inch girl with giant 16-foot
breasts. "The little girls were scared and cried loudly,"
said one kindergarten teacher, "asking me if they would
grow those huge things." Scientists at the Guangdong
Entomological Institute discovered that the female
short-nosed fruit-bat routinely provides her partner with
oral sex during intercourse, making the bat the only adult
animal besides humans to engage in such behavior. "We were
also surprised at how often it occurred... It was
difficult to provide some hypotheses for the function of
the fellatio behavior," said short-nosed-fruit-bat
researcher Libiao Zhang. "We held many meetings to discuss
the functions." Fake snow blanketed Beijing.