Tough

Jo Ellen Gryzb and Robin Chandler, authors of 'The Nice Factor: The Art of Saying No' want you to stop being too nice and start being tough. Here's their 10-step guide to getting tough

1. Don't smile Smiling gives someone permission to think you don't really mean what you say as you have this big grin on your face
2. Stand your ground Backing off is wishy-washy. Standing your ground gives weight to your intention. This means both physically and verbally
3. Tell the truth Let the other person know what you are feeling. Let them know you aren't comfortable with what they are doing
4. Agree when it's unexpected If someone tells you you're being silly, agree. They have no place to go after that. "You're a bit touchy." "You're right, I am." It takes the wind out of their sails
5. Don't point fingers If you intend to tell someone you don't like their behaviour, start sentences with how you feel, not what's wrong with them. Pointing an accusatory finger will only make them more defensive
6. Make up a list of handy excuses This will get you out of situations long enough to see clearly what's going on before you put yourself back in the fray
7. Change your mind whenever you want to You have the right to change your mind, whether it's two minutes, two hours or two months after the fact. There will be times when you don't want to honour your commitments
8. Keep things short and sweet Gabbling won't help, it just gives the other person rope to hang you with
9. Don't engage Never apologise or explain. Don't supply fuel for someone to use against you
10. Get your 'no' in quickly Set your marker right at the beginning of the discussion. You can always change your mind later, but if you say it fast, it's out on the table and can't be ignored