Tabloid Sex Tips

From Nerve:

I'm having sex with a coworker. How can we keep it a secret and evade office gossip?

David Perel, 45 Editor-in-Chief of the National Enquirer: Forget it, it's
not going to happen. I don't think I've met more than three people in this world
who can keep a secret. Find me the first guy who has never told his friends, and
we'll put him in the Smithsonian. Since it's going to get out anyway, just put
your own spin on it.

Joy Kendra Miller, 30 Red carpet/events reporter for Star: Talk about a
fantastic new boyfriend to everyone who will listen. Then once the gossip starts
about you and the coworker, act incredulous that they would suggest that you
would cheat on your amazing new imaginary boyfriend. They'll feel stupid, and
eventually they'll drop it. Or you could embrace the gossip and ramble on about
the coworker's sexual prowess so much that it makes everyone so uncomfortable
they begin to leave you alone.

What are the ethics on sleeping with someone for information?

DP: Don't get caught, and don't break up until you get the full story.

JKM: Everybody does it. It's an unwritten, completely kosher rule, and
eventually if you need good information, you're going to have to do it.
Hopefully, you'll have to extract information on Orlando Bloom and not Clay
Aiken. Every tabloid reporter eventually does something that they wouldn't agree
to under normal circumstances, whether it's digging through garbage, or showing
up at Ben Affleck's grandmother's doorstep to ask if she likes Jennifer, or
sleeping with a celebrity, assistant, or mail-room clerk for information. Get
over it. I once had to sleep with a celebrity, who thankfully was hot, in order
to find out if he was still with his baby's mama. I was supposed to flirt with
him, and it just went above and beyond. We hung out in his hotel room and had
sex, and I got all the information on his baby and got a picture. I had my
editor pay for me to have a spa the day after to help wash off the shame.

Patrick Huguenin, 22 Staff writer for "Rush & Molloy" at the New York
Daily News: I personally would never sleep with someone for information. But I
think it's only fair to do if you're upfront about your profession, and that
you're seeking information. If you give fair and clear warning, you can let your
seductive wiles do the rest

So it's okay to do it.

DP: It happens all the time whether it's okay or not. You see journalists
with government officials, you see journalists with other journalists, you see
journalists with sources, and the truth is, sometimes that's how you get some of
your best information.

Do you have an example?

DP: Yeah, but I'm not going to tell you. It wasn't me, it was a close
friend of mine. Let's just say it involved a very high-profile national story,
and the story went on for more than a year, and he slept with more than one
female family member — sisters. Everything was going well until the sisters
compared notes. Then it got kind of messy.

I want to fuck a celebrity. How do I do this?

DP: We have a word for people like this: stalkers. But if you insist, the
best way to do it is to go to the clubs where they go in L.A., make sure you're
at the right place at the right time and let nature take its course. In terms of
clothing, it depends on the celebrity, but leave as little to the imagination as
possible. Plus, celebrities are really not that imaginative. If this is your
goal, make it obvious. C-list will be a lot easier to get to and score with.
A-list, you might have to fight your way past various bodyguards to get into VIP
areas, and ultimately, it'll probably make little difference.

PH: There is a lot of loneliness in celebrity culture, so the right
conversation, a little companionship, some warm Christmas cookies and a roaring
fire should do the trick.

Ian Drew, 30 Editor-at-Large for Us Weekly: The best way to get famous is
to attach yourself to somebody more famous, and the best way to get even more
famous than that is to leave somebody famous for somebody else who's famous. So
concoct a scheme where you're seen going to a very public place with somebody
even more famous than [the famous person you're currently dating], then go back
to [the less famous person] the next week. You'll become a tabloid soap opera.
Kristin Cavallari did not end up in the pages of everything without attaching
herself to more famous guys. You've got to find someone who's in the white-hot
heat of it. Jennifer Aniston is an expert at that. People think that she's this
good girl who doesn't want the attention, but it's quite the opposite. She
always seems to date someone who's right in the spotlight at that moment.

I'm a celebrity, and a gossip columnist has some dirt on me. He says he'll print it unless I sleep with him. I really don't want my laundry aired. Do I do what he wants?

DP: No. It's a bad idea because he still has the dirt. You'll just make
yourself beholden to his whims. Give him a better story on one of your costars.

PH: Weigh the ugliness of the gossip against the ugliness of the gossip
columnist, then decide.